Reading example essays can be an effective method for improving your own college essay. Here are three sample essays, each with a weak and strong version, to help guide your writing process. Each essay includes annotations that highlight common pitfalls as well as techniques that contribute to a compelling narrative.
Essay 1: Sharing an identity or background through a montage
This essay aims to provide admissions officers with a well-rounded depiction of the student’s identity, values, and background through a series of related vignettes or anecdotes presented in a montage structure.
In the weak rough draft, while the individual stories and personal accounts may be compelling on their own, they likely lack an overarching narrative thread tying them together thematically. The anecdotes come across as disconnected. Additionally, the insights drawn from each vignette about the student’s perspective, experiences, or principles may be limited or superficial. The moments described provide colorful scenery but don’t submerge the reader deeply into the applicant’s psyche and motivations. By the end, admissions is left with somewhat scattered impressions rather than a unified, multidimensional understanding.
In the strong finished essay, the individual stories are framed through an extended metaphor, creative theme, or unifying premise that allows them to build upon each other revelatorily.
The writer skillfully extracts specific, insightful personal reflections and hard-won lessons from each experience.
Weak rough draft: Sharing an identity or background
This checklist serves as a guide to self-evaluate if your college admissions essay exhibits a compelling narrative structure and authentic representation of your identity.
Topic and structure
I have chosen a topic that carries deep personal significance and meaning for me.
My essay illuminates a distinct dimension of my identity not fully captured elsewhere in my application materials.
The narrative progresses in a clear, well-organized structure with intentional flow.
The conclusion provides insightful revelation or a creatively memorable ending that leaves an impactful final impression.
Writing style and tone
The introduction immerses the reader through vivid descriptive details or a compelling hook that instantly piques curiosity.
Rather than merely stating facts, I employ a narrative style that allows the reader to vividly experience the depicted scenes and moments.
I have carefully calibrated an appropriate writing style and tone befitting a college admissions essay.
The personal anecdotes and experiences I relate are uniquely my own and rich with specific individualized detail.
Content
Throughout the essay, I demonstrate admirable qualities and closely-held values that positively shape my character.
The primary focus remains squarely centered on providing an introspective perspective about my own identity, avoiding digressions into other individuals.
I incorporate thoughtful self-reflection that reveals maturity and insight about my own growth and evolving worldview.
While expressing my voice fully, I have respected guidelines by keeping the word count within an appropriate range of the stated limit.
Strong finished essay: Sharing an identity or background
This checklist serves as a guide to self-evaluate if your college admissions essay exhibits a compelling narrative structure and authentic representation of your identity.
Topic and structure
I have chosen a topic that carries deep personal significance and meaning for me.
My essay illuminates a distinct dimension of my identity not fully captured elsewhere in my application materials.
The narrative progresses in a clear, well-organized structure with intentional flow.
The conclusion provides insightful revelation or a creatively memorable ending that leaves an impactful final impression.
Writing style and tone
The introduction immerses the reader through vivid descriptive details or a compelling hook that instantly piques curiosity.
Rather than merely stating facts, I employ a narrative style that allows the reader to vividly experience the depicted scenes and moments.
I have carefully calibrated an appropriate writing style and tone befitting a college admissions essay.
The personal anecdotes and experiences I relate are uniquely my own and rich with specific individualized detail.
Content
Throughout the essay, I demonstrate admirable qualities and closely-held values that positively shape my character.
The primary focus remains squarely centered on providing an introspective perspective about my own identity, avoiding digressions into other individuals.
I incorporate thoughtful self-reflection that reveals maturity and insight about my own growth and evolving worldview.
While expressing my voice fully, I have respected guidelines by keeping the word count within an appropriate range of the stated limit.
Essay 2: Overcoming a challenge
This narrative essay aims to recount a significant challenge or obstacle the student has faced and overcome. A common topic is recovering from an injury or difficult circumstances related to an extracurricular activity like sports.
In the weak rough draft, while the narrative itself may engage the reader with vivid scenes and emotional stakes surrounding the challenge, the overall tone and writing style likely feels too formal, wordy or pretentious.
The student may rely too heavily on ornate vocabulary, metaphors that come across as overwritten, and an elevated, academic prose style. While the flowery language attempts to sound sophisticated, it ultimately has the opposite effect – distracting from the authentic voice and core story itself.
In the strongly revised version, the student adopts a more conversational, grounded writing style with carefully chosen descriptors that vividly convey scenes and emotional sensibilities without overindulgence in ornate flourishes. The streamlined, naturalistic syntax and diction allows the profound insights surrounding the pivotal challenge to take center stage.
The narrative employs well-rendered sensory details and occasional rhetorical devices like metaphor or imagery, but in thoughtful moderation that enhances rather than overshadows the authentic storytelling voice. Sentence structures flow to accentuate dramatic plot points while avoiding ostentatiousness.
This checklist serves as a guide to self-evaluate if your college admissions essay exhibits a compelling narrative structure and authentic representation of your identity.
Topic and structure
I have chosen a topic that carries deep personal significance and meaning for me.
My essay illuminates a distinct dimension of my identity not fully captured elsewhere in my application materials.
The narrative progresses in a clear, well-organized structure with intentional flow.
The conclusion provides insightful revelation or a creatively memorable ending that leaves an impactful final impression.
Writing style and tone
The introduction immerses the reader through vivid descriptive details or a compelling hook that instantly piques curiosity.
Rather than merely stating facts, I employ a narrative style that allows the reader to vividly experience the depicted scenes and moments.
I have carefully calibrated an appropriate writing style and tone befitting a college admissions essay.
The personal anecdotes and experiences I relate are uniquely my own and rich with specific individualized detail.
Content
Throughout the essay, I demonstrate admirable qualities and closely-held values that positively shape my character.
The primary focus remains squarely centered on providing introspective perspective about my own identity, avoiding digressions into other individuals.
I incorporate thoughtful self-reflection that reveals maturity and insight about my own growth and evolving worldview.
While expressing my voice fully, I have respected guidelines by keeping the word count within an appropriate range of the stated limit.
This checklist serves as a guide to self-evaluate if your college admissions essay exhibits a compelling narrative structure and authentic representation of your identity.
Topic and structure
I have chosen a topic that carries deep personal significance and meaning for me.
My essay illuminates a distinct dimension of my identity not fully captured elsewhere in my application materials.
The narrative progresses in a clear, well-organized structure with intentional flow.
The conclusion provides insightful revelation or a creatively memorable ending that leaves an impactful final impression.
Writing style and tone
The introduction immerses the reader through vivid descriptive details or a compelling hook that instantly piques curiosity.
Rather than merely stating facts, I employ a narrative style that allows the reader to vividly experience the depicted scenes and moments.
I have carefully calibrated an appropriate writing style and tone befitting a college admissions essay.
The personal anecdotes and experiences I relate are uniquely my own and rich with specific individualized detail.
Content
Throughout the essay, I demonstrate admirable qualities and closely-held values that positively shape my character.
The primary focus remains squarely centered on providing introspective perspective about my own identity, avoiding digressions into other individuals.
I incorporate thoughtful self-reflection that reveals maturity and insight about my own growth and evolving worldview.
While expressing my voice fully, I have respected guidelines by keeping the word count within an appropriate range of the stated limit.
Essay 3: Showing the influence of an important person or thing
This essay uses a narrative structure to explore how a specific person or experience positively shaped the student’s values, character, and perspectives.
In the weak initial draft, the narrative gets sidetracked providing excessive details about the influential person/experience itself, rather than focusing on the impact it had on the student.
The essay’s structure doesn’t directly illustrate the meaningful lessons or insights the student gained. As a result, the essay fails to cohesively build up to a clear capstone about how this person/experience fundamentally influenced the student’s values, goals or worldview.
In the improved final version, the narrative remains centered on the student as the subject, with the influential person/experience’s role being to catalyze the applicant’s enlightening personal epiphanies and character development. Anecdotes are carefully curated to showcase specific ways in which exposure to this person/experience sparked introspection, shifted perspectives, or shaped core values.
Weak rough draft: Influence of an important person or thing
This checklist serves as a guide to self-evaluate if your college admissions essay exhibits a compelling narrative structure and authentic representation of your identity.
Topic and structure
I have chosen a topic that carries deep personal significance and meaning for me.
My essay illuminates a distinct dimension of my identity not fully captured elsewhere in my application materials.
The narrative progresses in a clear, well-organized structure with intentional flow.
The conclusion provides insightful revelation or a creatively memorable ending that leaves an impactful final impression.
Writing style and tone
The introduction immerses the reader through vivid descriptive details or a compelling hook that instantly piques curiosity.
Rather than merely stating facts, I employ a narrative style that allows the reader to vividly experience the depicted scenes and moments.
I have carefully calibrated an appropriate writing style and tone befitting a college admissions essay.
The personal anecdotes and experiences I relate are uniquely my own and rich with specific individualized detail.
Content
Throughout the essay, I demonstrate admirable qualities and closely-held values that positively shape my character.
The primary focus remains squarely centered on providing introspective perspective about my own identity, avoiding digressions into other individuals.
I incorporate thoughtful self-reflection that reveals maturity and insight about my own growth and evolving worldview.
While expressing my voice fully, I have respected guidelines by keeping the word count within an appropriate range of the stated limit.
Strong finished essay: Influence of an important person or thing
This checklist serves as a guide to self-evaluate if your college admissions essay exhibits a compelling narrative structure and authentic representation of your identity.
Topic and structure
I have chosen a topic that carries deep personal significance and meaning for me.
My essay illuminates a distinct dimension of my identity not fully captured elsewhere in my application materials.
The narrative progresses in a clear, well-organized structure with intentional flow.
The conclusion provides insightful revelation or a creatively memorable ending that leaves an impactful final impression.
Writing style and tone
The introduction immerses the reader through vivid descriptive details or a compelling hook that instantly piques curiosity.
Rather than merely stating facts, I employ a narrative style that allows the reader to vividly experience the depicted scenes and moments.
I have carefully calibrated an appropriate writing style and tone befitting a college admissions essay.
The personal anecdotes and experiences I relate are uniquely my own and rich with specific individualized detail.
Content
Throughout the essay, I demonstrate admirable qualities and closely-held values that positively shape my character.
The primary focus remains squarely centered on providing introspective perspective about my own identity, avoiding digressions into other individuals.
I incorporate thoughtful self-reflection that reveals maturity and insight about my own growth and evolving worldview.
While expressing my voice fully, I have respected guidelines by keeping the word count within an appropriate range of the stated limit.
